you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
