Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Even my vagina gasped.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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