When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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