Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
