The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
