I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize