is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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