gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
