And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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