i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
