Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
