He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
