Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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