I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
