why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
