I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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