Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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