is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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