Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
