I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
