you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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