It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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