Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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