the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
