I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
