Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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