Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
