Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
