i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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