WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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