I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
