You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
