ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
