she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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