I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
