Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
