Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
