Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
