sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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