You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
