Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
