sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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