whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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