if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
