at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
