my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
