ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
