no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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