no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
