is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize