The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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