If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
