is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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