You just made me feel so damn special
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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