I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize