I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
