I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
