A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
