We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize