i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
