At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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