I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
