1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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