chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
