Your face is a jimmy john
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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