i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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