I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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