wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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